Skip to main content

I wonder



Sometimes, i do wonder.

"Can we just undo or simply skip everything and stand on any point of life that we wish?"

- No,girl. We can't.

Okay, but, sometimes, i do wonder.

How bad is life, until i can even wonder on something that is way too obvious to be asked?

-It wasn't that bad. Until you realised, how much it hurts you down.

Well, again. I do wonder. How much does it takes to break me down. And what does it carry?

-It carries pain.

But still, i wonder why i can't see the pain?

-Because you feel it.

Can i feel something that i can't even see? I wonder how does it work?

-It lies inside, beneath a thousand of warm smiles you created to hid it.

I wonder if i can erase it away since concealing it for too long hurts me more that i think?

I wonder why i still care when the only source of the pain is- to think about it?

I wonder why it still hurts me well when i keep saying i've put it away repeatedly?

I wonder why does it bother me much when i still have a lot of errands to run?

I wonder why i can spend some time to write about it, on this thin online sheet when i can simply forget about it and leave it happily?

-That's because you can't forget about it easily.

It affect me much, i wonder if this is too bad? Why is it that bad? Who's there with the pain? Who's the one that manage to spoil my time and break me down when i can actually having fun most of the time. Who. Is. It.

-Scars. Pain brings scars.

Pain will ease. Scars will fade.

 It takes a lot of struggle to move it away. But it knows its own way back.

 Just at a right time, the scars will fade. Along with the pain. Bringing the memories away.

 Everything in matter of time.

Then, should i just wait and leave it hanging this way?

-Keep it hanging. Just, don't carried away with it. Remember,

Everything will fall into it places, at the right time. No one controls the time, but Him. Have faith, be strong. Be reminded. Nothing last forever. Even your pain.

Last, i still wonder. What's the best answer for 'are you okay' schematic question?

-I'm perfectly fine.

Why?

-No one understands you better than your own self.

Is it possible that the pain comes from a creation called human?

-Definitely.

How can it be? A human should know how bad is pain, how could any of them afford to make the other creation turning sad?

-Even you. You hurt people too.

No, never.

-You did.
You just don't realized it. 
You just don't notice. 
And sometimes you don't mean it. 
When actually, you did hurt others. 
Sometimes, you don't know you've hurt other creations perfectly because you did it accidentally.
You did it by mistake. 

The same goes to other people.

They don't know the fact that - they've caused the pain.

You. Don't. Blame. Others. For. The. Pain. You. Are. Having.

Forgive. And deal with it.

Remember who planned all these?

Nobody but Him.

There must be a good lesson behind everything. 

You'll grow stronger. Along with the pain.

To myself : If you can write all these, meaning that you can answer all of your curiosity by your own. You're sane enough to think. Well, should be strong enough to face it. Have faith.

Hadam dan fahamkan tulisan sendiri.

It takes no one for you to change- but your own self.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I understand well about the things that you wrote. Sometimes it’s too painful but there’s just no way to get out of it, and the pain is so addictive. You keep going back to the things that broke you, no matter how much you wonder why would you have to do that, when you should just forget it and be happy with your life.
And honestly though, I am still, hurting.
I’m waiting for the day that I will heal completely. But the waiting is just so tiring :(
I however hope that one day, this will all makes sense.
Let’s be stronger okay? I don’t want to see other girls being sad, even if we do not know each other :)
17 February 2018 at 01:28
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

PETRONAS YOUNGSTAR DAY 2016

“Challenge yourself with new surrounding. Then only you’ll know your strengths and abilities ”-Ira,2016  This post is dedicated specially to those who requested. Saya tak mampu nak taip panjang dalam whatsapp. Typo maharaja maharani semua jadi. Nah cerita kat sini. To Asyaf, Khairiah, Aqilah, Zaimah and 'Izzah.. All the best for your iv and hope this will help a little bit. It was my first time experience. So let me first tell you, frankly speaking, I am so dead nervous for the interview session. Because hello, I’m gonna speak with strangers whom should be called as sir or miss or whatsoever, in English! I rarely speak English for sure. Well I did use  “I don’t think so” “I see” “Well I don’t know”.  But for sure, these aren’t going to help me speak fluently during that day. But, yeah. Let’s give a try ! ******** 5th of April 2016, Tuesday. “What kind of day is coming? Too...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hurt

Even when the sky comes falling Even when the sun don't shine I got faith in you and I So put your pretty little hand in mine Even when we're down to the wire baby Even when it's do or die We could do it baby, simple and plain 'Cause this love is a sure thing Remember those days when I felt nothing, and everything seemed too sudden and blurry? I don’t expect me to be carried away so bad for what was happening. Those days when I don’t feel like how I used to. I don’t know if part of me is losing, or I’m losing whole piece of me. Everything was numb. My heart. My spirit. Lucky that my brain is still functioning on track. I’ve never expected that I could break this hard. People told me that being heartbroken is hard. But they never told me that it will be this hard. Too hard that I’ve feel like giving up fighting. *** Fighting is fun. For someone who loves to go against my comfort zone, I used to find it thrilling. But I’ve never thou...
Post a Comment
Read more