I wonder

Sometimes, i do wonder.

"Can we just undo or simply skip everything and stand on any point of life that we wish?"

- No,girl. We can't.

Okay, but, sometimes, i do wonder.

How bad is life, until i can even wonder on something that is way too obvious to be asked?

-It wasn't that bad. Until you realised, how much it hurts you down.

Well, again. I do wonder. How much does it takes to break me down. And what does it carry?

-It carries pain.

But still, i wonder why i can't see the pain?

-Because you feel it.

Can i feel something that i can't even see? I wonder how does it work?

-It lies inside, beneath a thousand of warm smiles you created to hid it.

I wonder if i can erase it away since concealing it for too long hurts me more that i think?

I wonder why i still care when the only source of the pain is- to think about it?

I wonder why it still hurts me well when i keep saying i've put it away repeatedly?

I wonder why does it bother me much when i still have a lot of errands to run?

I wonder why i can spend some time to write about it, on this thin online sheet when i can simply forget about it and leave it happily?

-That's because you can't forget about it easily.

It affect me much, i wonder if this is too bad? Why is it that bad? Who's there with the pain? Who's the one that manage to spoil my time and break me down when i can actually having fun most of the time. Who. Is. It.

-Scars. Pain brings scars.

Pain will ease. Scars will fade.

It takes a lot of struggle to move it away. But it knows its own way back.

Just at a right time, the scars will fade. Along with the pain. Bringing the memories away.

Everything in matter of time.

Then, should i just wait and leave it hanging this way?

-Keep it hanging. Just, don't carried away with it. Remember,

Everything will fall into it places, at the right time. No one controls the time, but Him. Have faith, be strong. Be reminded. Nothing last forever. Even your pain.

Last, i still wonder. What's the best answer for 'are you okay' schematic question?

-I'm perfectly fine.

Why?

-No one understands you better than your own self.

Is it possible that the pain comes from a creation called human?

-Definitely.

How can it be? A human should know how bad is pain, how could any of them afford to make the other creation turning sad?

-Even you. You hurt people too.

No, never.

-You did.
You just don't realized it. 
You just don't notice. 
And sometimes you don't mean it. 
When actually, you did hurt others. 
Sometimes, you don't know you've hurt other creations perfectly because you did it accidentally.
You did it by mistake. 

The same goes to other people.

They don't know the fact that - they've caused the pain.

You. Don't. Blame. Others. For. The. Pain. You. Are. Having.

Forgive. And deal with it.

Remember who planned all these?

Nobody but Him.

There must be a good lesson behind everything. 

You'll grow stronger. Along with the pain.

To myself : If you can write all these, meaning that you can answer all of your curiosity by your own. You're sane enough to think. Well, should be strong enough to face it. Have faith.

Hadam dan fahamkan tulisan sendiri.

It takes no one for you to change- but your own self.